10:43 a.m. - Saturday, Dec. 11, 2004
Resignation Letter.
Dear Mr. Lipschitz,
How are you? I'm very well thank-you. This is Frank Bottomly writing you, from accounting. There are a few things I've been wanting to get off my chest for some time, and now is the time to do it. You see, Mr. Lipschitz, it just so happens that a certain Frank Bottomly from accounting recently purchased a lottery ticket, and that certain lottery ticket happened to win a certain amount of money, and that certain Frank Bottomly is pretty darn CERTAIN that a certain MR. BILL LIPSCHITZ take a certain JOB and SHOVE IT!!!
That's right, BILL, I ain't workin' here NO MORE!!!
So no more hasslin' ol' Frank! "Frank, why don't these numbers match up?" "Frank, I like you, but you're not doing a very good job!" "Frank, come over to my place for dinner so we can talk about any issues you might have!" NO MORE! You're lucky I'm feeling generous, or else I'd slap on some kind of... hasslement lawsuit or something! And don't think I don't know what's going on with you and Cheryl! I've seen the way you two look at each other! "Mr. Lipschitz, you have a call on line two." (mwah, mwah, kiss, kiss!)
So, Lipschitz, you won't be seeing ol' Frank anymore! I've worked under your tyranny for 12 and a half LONG months. That's twelve and a half months too long, BUDDY!
So, how much did my lottery winnings come to, you ask? Let's just say that I won't be needing any cash assistance from you or anybody else for SOME time. You see, I happen to have one the cash amount of... FIVE.... THOUSAND..... DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S RIGHT! 5, zero, zero, zero!
So maybe you'll see me around, Lipschitz, but it won't be at work. Maybe you'll see me looking across the dining room at one of those fancy restaurants I imagine you go to with Cheryl, and I'll be ordering a fancy $10 steak and sipping the finest $10 wine! Or maybe you'll see me at your fancy country club or something, playing tennis with some fancy lady! Or maybe you will see me at that sad, pathetic workplace you call an office, but it'll be when you look out your window and see my flying by in my five THOUSAND dollar SPORTS CAR!
So good-bye, you sad, pathetic man. Good luck to you and your rich friends at Help The Orphans Foundation finding a better accountant than the one they had in Mr. Frank Bottomly. I seriously doubt you will.
Most sincerely,
Frank Bottomly, ESQ. (!)
FORMER accountant
